Girl Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals by #1 New York Times bestselling author Rachel Hollis is not just a self-help book but a rallying cry for women to stop apologizing for wanting more in life and to start living boldly and unapologetically.
Hollis offers personal anecdotes, practical advice, and motivational insights to help women dismantle societal norms that often stifle ambition.
Her message encourages readers to embrace their dreams, discard their excuses, and adopt the behaviors and skills that lead to personal and professional success. From its heartfelt introduction to its tactical approach, the book serves as both a motivational guide and a practical toolkit.
In this article, I aim to explore the philosophical underpinnings of Hollis’ work while drawing connections between her lessons and the broader context of self-growth and empowerment. This reflection will offer an analysis of the book’s key themes: embracing ambition, letting go of fear, and crafting a life of intention.
Background
Rachel Hollis, a best-selling author, speaker, and entrepreneur, wrote Girl Stop Apologizing to encourage women to pursue their goals without guilt or hesitation.
The book is a follow-up to her earlier success Girl, Wash Your Face and builds on her personal experience of overcoming societal expectations and self-doubt. Hollis openly admits that she has not always had it figured out—her journey is one of persistence, hard work, and a continual rejection of the limitations placed on women by culture and upbringing.
Hollis recounts how she grew up with traditional expectations of what a woman should be—focused on family and pleasing others. Despite this, she developed into an ambitious entrepreneur with dreams far beyond the roles typically prescribed to women in her community. This tension between societal expectation and personal ambition lies at the heart of the book’s narrative.
The philosophical underpinning of Hollis’ message is rooted in personal autonomy, self-responsibility, and the inherent value of every individual’s dreams.
The book is structured into three parts: Excuses to Let Go Of, Behaviors to Adopt, and Skills to Acquire. Each section offers a roadmap to success that blends personal development with practical strategies.
At its core, the book is about self-empowerment and the importance of living a life true to one’s own desires, rather than the expectations of others.
It challenges women to stop apologizing for who they are and to embrace their potential fully. The lessons from this book are not only applicable to women but to anyone seeking to live a more intentional, fulfilling life.
In a world that often encourages conformity, Hollis’ message of self-ownership and unapologetic ambition is a refreshing reminder of the power of individual choice.
Important Lessons: Girl Stop Apologizing
1. Let Go of Excuses
The first and perhaps most important lesson Hollis offers is the need to let go of excuses.
She identifies common rationalizations that prevent women from pursuing their goals, including the beliefs that they don’t have time, that they aren’t enough, or that their dreams are too grand. According to Hollis, these excuses are self-imposed limitations born out of fear and societal conditioning.
One of the most poignant parts of the book is when Hollis reflects on her own struggle with excuses, such as the belief that she wasn’t a “goal-oriented person” or that her dreams weren’t feasible. She shares a deeply personal story of how she used to “downplay” her ambitions, keeping them hidden from the world. “I buried every accomplishment,” she writes, “and didn’t admit my biggest dreams even to myself”. This admission resonates with many women who have felt the weight of societal expectations pressing them to conform.
Excuses, as Hollis describes them, are insidious because they appear rational on the surface, yet they are merely justifications for avoiding discomfort and growth.
One of her key points is the necessity of moving past the fear of what others think. Women, she argues, are often taught to be “good” by prioritizing the needs of others over their own ambitions. This cultural expectation leads many to abandon their dreams prematurely.
2. Embrace Ambition
Hollis implores women to embrace their ambition unapologetically. In a world where women are frequently criticized for being too ambitious or too assertive, Hollis flips the narrative and encourages her readers to see ambition as a gift.
She writes, “Being a proud working mother instead of buying into the special brand of oppression found inside mommy guilt” was one of the most freeing decisions of her life.
Ambition, in Hollis’ view, is not something to be ashamed of but something to celebrate. She encourages women to dream big, set audacious goals, and not worry about what others think. One of her key messages is that ambition is not a male trait, nor should women feel guilty for wanting to achieve great things. “You are allowed to want more for yourself for no other reason than because it makes your heart happy”. This message is a powerful antidote to the societal conditioning that often teaches women to play small and to apologize for their desires.
Hollis also provides practical steps for pursuing ambition. She emphasizes the importance of clarity and focus, urging readers to choose one dream and “go all in”. This focused pursuit of a single goal, rather than spreading oneself too thin, allows for deeper commitment and greater achievement.
3. Stop Seeking Permission
Another crucial lesson is the importance of self-reliance and stopping the habit of seeking permission from others.
Women are often socialized to seek approval, whether from parents, partners, or society at large, before pursuing their goals. Hollis argues that this need for permission is a deeply ingrained form of self-doubt.
She writes about the liberating moment when she realized that she did not need anyone else’s approval to pursue her dreams. “Whatever the dream, it’s yours, not mine. You don’t have to give any justification”. This rejection of external validation is a key theme throughout the book.
Hollis empowers her readers to take ownership of their lives and choices without feeling the need to apologize for them.
This idea resonates deeply with philosophical concepts of self-ownership and autonomy. By shifting the focus from external validation to internal conviction, Hollis encourages women to build lives that reflect their true desires rather than societal expectations.
4. Adopt Behaviors that Foster Success
In the second part of the book, Hollis outlines behaviors that are crucial for success.
One of the most significant behaviors is consistency. She emphasizes that consistency, more than talent or opportunity, is the key to achieving one’s goals. This message aligns with the idea that success is not the result of occasional bursts of effort but rather the product of sustained, disciplined action.
Another important behavior is learning to say no. Women, in particular, are often burdened with the expectation that they should be agreeable and accommodating.
Hollis challenges this expectation and encourages her readers to prioritize their own goals by setting clear boundaries. “You cannot achieve your goals if you are constantly letting other people’s needs take priority over your own”.
5. Acquire Skills for Growth
The final part of the book focuses on the skills necessary for personal and professional growth. Hollis highlights skills such as planning, persistence, and confidence as essential tools for achieving success.
One of the most valuable insights she offers is the idea that confidence is not an innate trait but a skill that can be developed over time through practice and repetition. “Confidence is a habit, one that you develop through consistent action”.
Hollis also emphasizes the importance of persistence in the face of failure. Drawing from her own experiences, she describes how setbacks and failures are inevitable on the path to success.
The key, she argues, is to view failure as a learning opportunity rather than a reason to quit. “Every failure is a lesson in disguise, a stepping stone to your ultimate success”.
6. Overcome the Fear of Failure
One of the most paralyzing forces that prevent people from pursuing their dreams is the fear of failure.
Hollis emphasizes that failure is not something to be avoided at all costs, but something to be embraced as part of the journey toward success. She writes, “I’m terrified of failure, but I’m even more afraid of letting fear stop me from living the life I want”.
According to her, failure is inevitable when striving for big goals, but it should not define one’s self-worth.
Failure is simply feedback—it shows what works and what doesn’t. Hollis argues that we should reframe failure as a necessary step in learning and growing, a sign that we’re pushing boundaries. She encourages readers to focus on the lessons learned from failure, rather than the shame often associated with it.
By doing this, women can free themselves from the fear of judgment and take bolder steps toward achieving their dreams.
7. Take Ownership of Your Life
Hollis challenges readers to take full responsibility for their lives, choices, and outcomes. She stresses that the power to create change and achieve success lies within oneself, not external circumstances.
This lesson is encapsulated in her belief that, You are in control of your schedule… You decide how you spend your time. This mentality shifts the focus from blaming others or life’s circumstances to owning one’s power to make different choices.
Taking ownership requires rejecting the victim mindset. Hollis advises readers to stop blaming their past, society, or external factors for their current situation.
Instead, they should recognize that they have the power to change their lives, whether by setting boundaries, making sacrifices, or taking action. This shift in perspective can be incredibly empowering, as it places the individual in control of their destiny.
8. The Power of Persistence
Persistence is another crucial lesson Hollis highlights, often stressing that success does not happen overnight.
She writes about the importance of showing up day after day, even when progress seems slow. Achieving your dreams is less about talent and more about persistence, Hollis states, emphasizing the long game required to achieve big goals, which echoes with the ideas presented in Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell.
Hollis frequently draws from her own life experiences, recounting the long hours, failures, and moments of doubt she endured before finding success.
Her message is clear: persistence separates those who succeed from those who give up too soon. Success is not about brilliance or luck, but about the determination to keep going, even when it feels difficult.
This lesson is particularly valuable in a world that often celebrates instant success, reminding readers that perseverance and resilience are essential components of any long-term achievement.
9. Learn to Ask for Help
Many women struggle with the idea of asking for help, believing that they need to do everything on their own to prove their worth.
Hollis shatters this myth by encouraging readers to seek assistance when needed. Whether it’s hiring help with household chores, reaching out to mentors, or asking for guidance in their careers, Hollis argues that no one can succeed alone.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but of wisdom.
Hollis herself reflects on the importance of relying on a support network, noting that her business wouldn’t have grown without the help of a team.
She shares, “I realized that trying to do it all on my own was not only impossible but unnecessary”. By learning to delegate, ask for support, and build a strong community, women can focus on what truly matters and accelerate their progress toward their goals.
10. Stop Apologizing for Your Desires
At the heart of Hollis’ message is the powerful idea that women should stop apologizing for wanting more out of life.
This is not only about career ambitions but about every aspect of life—from personal happiness to the desire for rest, health, or new adventures. She writes, “You don’t need anyone’s permission to want more for yourself”, emphasizing that every woman is entitled to pursue her desires without guilt or shame.
This lesson speaks to the deep-seated cultural conditioning that often teaches women to prioritize others’ needs over their own and to seek approval for their choices.
Hollis encourages women to reject this conditioning and to embrace their desires boldly. Whether it’s a dream career, better relationships, or more time for self-care, women should feel empowered to pursue their happiness without feeling the need to justify it to others. By doing so, they can live more fulfilled, authentic lives.
By embracing ambition, overcoming the fear of failure, seeking help, and taking ownership of their lives, women can stop apologizing for their dreams and start living unapologetically.
The power of persistence, the courage to ask for help, and the understanding that one’s desires are valid and important form the foundation for personal and professional growth.
These lessons invite readers to live a life of purpose, passion, and fulfillment—one that they don’t need to apologize for.
Conclusion
Girl Stop Apologizing is more than just a motivational book—it is a call to action for women to take control of their lives, embrace their ambitions, and pursue their goals with confidence and courage.
Rachel Hollis’ candid and relatable style, combined with her practical advice, makes this book a powerful tool for anyone seeking to break free from self-doubt and societal expectations.
