The first time I encountered The Forty Rules of Love by British-Turkish novelist Elif Shafak, it felt as though a profound stone was cast into the still waters of my inner self, echoing the prologue’s poignant metaphor.
Through its dual narrative of Ella Rubinstein in the modern day and Shams of Tabriz in the thirteenth century, Shafak intertwines the transformative power of love with the teachings of Rumi and Sufi philosophy. The novel is a tribute to the spiritual bond between Rumi, the poet-mystic, and Shams, his enigmatic companion.
It also becomes an invitation to the reader to step into a journey of self-discovery and spiritual awakening, guided by the eponymous Forty Rules of Love.
Shams of Tabriz, the wandering dervish, embodies the essence of Sufi philosophy, which emphasizes transcendent love, universal connection, and inner enlightenment.
His unorthodox wisdom disrupts the lives he touches, just as he disrupts Rumi’s existence, turning the scholar into a mystic. Shams’ declaration, Don’t go with the flow. Be the flow, is one of the countless moments that lingered with me, challenging societal conformity and inviting me to examine how I perceive and act in the world.
His rules—part poetry, part philosophy—encourage us to embrace the divine in everything and everyone, transcending ego and prejudice.
However, the book is mostly filled with Quranic scriptures, teachings from Hadith and Islamic precepts interpreted in a Sufi point of view. Non-Muslim readers not familiar with Islamic tradition and Sufism may find it difficult to understand, though authored in colloquial English.
Reading The Forty Rules of Love is not merely an intellectual exercise; it is a deeply emotional encounter.
Shafak’s work illustrates how Rumi and Shams’s love—their spiritual companionship—serves as a mirror to Ella’s awakening. As Ella reads Sweet Blasphemy, she confronts the void in her own life and begins a journey toward love that is raw, untamed, and transformative. One rule encapsulates the novel’s essence: “Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead, let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”
This profound wisdom reshapes not only the characters but also the reader, guiding us to view love not as a feeling, but as an act of being—an invitation to transform.
The Forty Rules of Love
The intricate tapestry of Elif Shafak’s The Forty Rules of Love weaves together two distinct yet interconnected narratives: the contemporary life of Ella Rubinstein and the mystical bond between Rumi and Shams of Tabriz in the 13th century. Each of the titular “rules” serves as a profound gateway into the essence of Sufi philosophy and the transformative power of love.
As I immersed myself in the text, I found its reflections on life, faith, and the pursuit of self-discovery resonating deeply. One of the rules asserts, “Whatever happens in your life, no matter how troubling things might seem, do not enter the neighborhood of despair. Even when all doors remain closed, God will open up a new path only for you”. This universal wisdom echoes the themes of resilience and hope that are central to both the fictional and philosophical dimensions of the novel, compelling readers to reconsider the essence of divine love and human connections.
Rumi and Shams: A Spiritual Symphony
At the heart of The Forty Rules of Love lies the magnetic relationship between Rumi, the celebrated poet, and Shams of Tabriz, the enigmatic dervish who became his spiritual guide.
Their meeting is described as a “collision of two wandering souls, like the confluence of two rivers destined to merge.” Through their union, Shafak breathes life into the transformative potential of love—not as mere emotion but as a divine force that dismantles ego and bridges the earthly with the transcendent. Shams embodies the wisdom of a Sufi seeker, challenging Rumi’s rigid orthodoxy and awakening within him the raw essence of love’s power.
As Shams declares, “The path to the Truth is a labor of the heart, not of the head. Make your heart your primary guide, not your mind. Meet, challenge, and ultimately conquer your nafs [ego] with your heart” . This relationship epitomizes the spiritual awakening that Rumi underwent, a journey that forever changed his poetry, his teachings, and his existence—a journey mirrored in Ella’s transformation.
Sufi Philosophy: Lessons in Love and Self-Discovery
Sufi philosophy, the spiritual backbone of the novel, presents love as both the ultimate goal and the path to transcendence.
The forty rules illuminate the nuanced interplay of surrender, humility, and unity with the divine, urging readers to reflect deeply on their own spiritual journeys. One of the most striking lessons comes from Rule 7: “The moment you start to look at God in the hearts of others, that moment your concept of Him changes.” This perspective not only deepens the appreciation of love in all its forms but also challenges the compartmentalized views of faith and religion. For me, the novel’s profound reflections evoked a sense of inner dialogue, pushing me to reconsider the rigid structures of my own beliefs.
Shafak’s work is more than a narrative; it is a call to embrace love as a means of dissolving boundaries—be they cultural, religious, or personal—and finding a truer sense of self.
Quotes from The Forty Rules of Love
One of the most striking aspects of Elif Shafak’s masterpiece is the interspersing of Shams of Tabriz’s wisdom throughout the novel, encapsulated in the “forty rules.” These quotes transcend time and culture, offering readers guidance that feels both profoundly personal and universally applicable.
For instance, Rule 40 reminds us, “A life without love is of no account. Don’t ask yourself what kind of love you should seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, Eastern or Western … Divisions only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and simple.” This single rule became a mirror for my own introspections, urging me to dismantle the labels I’ve placed on relationships and emotions, and instead embrace love in its purest, unbounded form.
Each quote serves not just as advice but as a lens through which we can examine the choices we make in our daily lives. Shafak’s writing is steeped in a gentle insistence that love is both the question and the answer to our innermost dilemmas. The rules of Shams of Tabriz, which are interwoven within the historical and contemporary narratives, are not confined to the pages of the book; they serve as guideposts for anyone willing to listen.
Love according to Elif
She describes love as a transformative force which is not simply an emotion; it is a journey that transforms the seeker. Love requires vulnerability, openness, and a willingness to embrace change. she distinguishes between Divine Love vs. Human Love. For her Human love, often fraught with emotional turmoil, jealousy, and selfishness, contrasts with divine love, which is selfless and pure.
Shams teaches Rumi that divine love (Ishq) is the ultimate goal, as it connects the lover to the Beloved—God. This type of love transcends all physical and material desires, leading to spiritual awakening.
That Love is a Reflection of God is emphasized by Shams who says that the world is interconnected through love because love is a reflection of the Divine. He teaches that the essence of God is love, and to experience love is to experience God. This idea challenges the notion of a distant or punitive God, instead presenting a deity that is intimately involved in the lives of those who seek Him. Love, in this sense, is the driving force behind all creation, a notion that echoes through Rumi’s poetry and the novel itself.
The novel also delves into the idea that love and suffering are intertwined that is, according to Shams’ teachings, love is not without suffering, but it is through this suffering that individuals grow and evolve. The suffering caused by love acts as a purification process, helping individuals shed their ego-driven desires and misconceptions. The novel suggests that it is only through such trials that one can truly understand the depths of love.
Love also serves as guiding principles that teach that love is not passive but an active force that requires courage and effort. It is not limited to romantic love but extends to all aspects of life—spiritual, emotional, and intellectual. Whether one is navigating personal relationships or seeking a connection with the divine, love is the force that moves individuals forward on their spiritual path.
Lessons from The Forty Rules of Love
Reading The Forty Rules of Love is akin to engaging in a dialogue with one’s inner self. Each of the lessons embedded in the rules speaks to a universal truth that invites us to challenge societal norms, question our fears, and open ourselves to vulnerability.
One of the most poignant lessons for me was Rule 24: “Hell is in the here and now. So is heaven. Quit worrying about hell or dreaming about heaven, as they are both present inside this very moment. Every time we fall in love, we ascend to heaven. Every time we hate, envy, or fight someone, we tumble straight into the fires of hell.”
This rule reframed my understanding of life’s experiences, reminding me that our choices and emotions shape the reality we live in, minute by minute.
The novel’s brilliance lies in how it bridges spiritual philosophy with relatable, human experiences. Ella Rubinstein, through her correspondence with Aziz, undergoes a transformation that illustrates the power of self-discovery.
Like Ella, I found myself reflecting on the choices that had shaped my life and the possibilities of rewriting my narrative. This journey of introspection is one of the greatest gifts the novel offers to its readers, urging us to realign with our authentic selves.
Spiritual Awakening and Love’s Transformative Power
The intertwining stories of Rumi and Shams, and Ella and Aziz, remind us that spiritual awakening often begins with a disruption—a stone cast into the still waters of our lives.
For Rumi, Shams was this catalyst; for Ella, it was the manuscript she was assigned to review and the man who penned it. As Shams aptly puts it in Rule 33, “While everyone in this world strives to get somewhere and become someone, only to leave it all behind after death, you aim for the ultimate goal: union with the One.” This transformative power of love as a spiritual force resonates throughout the book, leading characters to let go of their fears, confront their truths, and embrace the divine within themselves and others.
The metaphor of love as a divine fire, capable of burning away ego and illusions, struck a chord with me. Shafak writes with such authenticity that the reader cannot help but feel immersed in this spiritual journey.
The relationship between Rumi and Shams is not merely one of teacher and student but a profound partnership that defies conventional labels.
Their connection reminded me that true love, whether romantic, platonic, or spiritual, has the capacity to awaken us to our highest potential and deepest truths.
Love and Self-Discovery
At its core, The Forty Rules of Love is a narrative about finding oneself through the lens of love—love for others, love for the divine, and love for oneself. As I read, I couldn’t help but reflect on Rule 14, which states, “Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead, let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”
This rule resonates with anyone facing uncertainty or upheaval, offering the reassurance that growth often requires us to embrace discomfort.
Ella’s journey is particularly poignant in this regard. Her life, once defined by routine and predictability, is turned upside down when she opens herself to the lessons of Aziz’s manuscript and, by extension, to the rules of Shams of Tabriz.
Through Ella, Shafak masterfully portrays the beauty and pain of rediscovering oneself—a process that is both unsettling and exhilarating. As I turned the final pages, I realized that my own self-discovery had been quietly unfolding alongside hers.
The Transformative Power of Love
What makes The Forty Rules of Love truly extraordinary is its unflinching portrayal of love as a force that transcends boundaries, heals wounds, and connects us to something greater than ourselves.
Love, in Shafak’s world, is not confined to romance; it is an all-encompassing energy that touches every aspect of existence. Rule 34 encapsulates this beautifully: “Submission does not mean being weak or passive. It means surrendering to the flow of life and accepting the present moment as it is.”
This notion of surrender—of allowing oneself to be vulnerable in the face of love—is a recurring theme that profoundly influenced my perspective on relationships and spirituality.
Shafak’s portrayal of love is both uplifting and grounding.
It challenges us to reevaluate our priorities, to embrace the connections we share with others, and to see the divine in the ordinary. For me, this was the novel’s most enduring gift: a reminder that love, in all its forms, has the power to transform not just individuals but entire worlds.
The 40 Rules
Here are the Forty Rules of Love as presented in The Forty Rules of Love by Elif Shafak.
1. How we see God is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves. If God brings to mind mostly fear and blame, it means there is too much fear and blame welled inside us. If we see God as full of love and compassion, so are we.” If God brings to mind fear and blame, it means there is too much fear and blame inside us. If we see love and compassion, so are we.
2. The Path to the Truth is a labor of the heart, not of the head. Make your heart your primary guide! Not your mind. Meet, challenge, and ultimately prevail over your nafs (ego).
3. You can study God through everything and everyone in the universe because God is not confined in a mosque, synagogue, or church. But if you are still in need of knowing where exactly His abode is, there is only one place to look for Him: in the heart of a true lover. There is no one who has lived after seeing Him, just like there is no one who has died after seeing Him. Whoever finds Him will remain with Him forever.”
4. Most of the problems of the world stem from linguistic mistakes and simple misunderstandings. Don’t ever take words at face value. When you step into the zone of love, language as we know it becomes obsolete. That which cannot be put into words can only be grasped through silence.
5. Loneliness and solitude are two different things. When you are lonely, it is easy to delude yourself into believing that you are on the right path. Solitude is better for us, as it means being alone without feeling lonely.
6. Whatever happens in your life, no matter how troubling things might seem, do not enter the neighborhood of despair. Even when all doors remain closed, God will open up a new path only for you. Be thankful! It is easy to be thankful when all is well.
7. Patience does not mean to passively endure. It means to be farsighted enough to trust the end result of a process. What does patience mean? It means to look at the thorn and see the rose, to look at the night and see the dawn. Impatience means to be so shortsighted as to not be able to see the outcome. The lovers of God never run out of patience, for they know that time is needed for the crescent moon to become full.
8. East, west, south, or north makes little difference. No matter what your destination, just be sure to make every journey a journey within. If you travel within, you’ll travel the whole wide world and beyond.
9. Fret not where the road will take you. Instead concentrate on the first step. That’s the hardest part and that’s what you are responsible for. Once you take that step let everything do what it naturally does and the rest will follow. Do not go with the flow. Be the flow.”
10. Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?
11. The past is an interpretation. The future is an illusion. The world does not move through time as if it were a straight line, proceeding from the past to the future. Instead, time moves through and within us, in endless spirals. Eternity does not mean infinite time, but simply timelessness. If you want to experience eternal illumination, put the past and the future out of your mind and remain within the present moment.
12. It’s easy to love a perfect God, unblemished and infallible that He is. What is far more difficult is to love fellow human beings with all their imperfections and defects. Remember, one can only know what one is capable of loving. There is no wisdom without love. Unless we learn to love God’s creation, we can neither truly love nor truly know God.
13. Destiny doesn’t mean that your life has been strictly predetermined. Therefore, to leave everything to fate and to not actively contribute to the music of the universe is a sign of sheer ignorance. “The music of the universe is all-pervading and it is composed on forty different levels. “Your destiny is the level where you will play your tune. You might not change your instrument but how well to play is entirely in your hands.
14. The whole universe is contained within a single human being—you. Everything that you see around, including the things you might not be fond of and even the people you despise or abhor, is present within you in varying degrees. Therefore, do not look for Sheitan/Satan outside yourself either. The devil is not an extraordinary force that attacks from without. It is an ordinary voice within.
15. If you want to change the way others treat you, you should first change the way you treat yourself. Unless you learn to love yourself, fully and sincerely, there is no way you can be loved. Once you achieve that stage, however, be thankful for every thorn that others might throw at you. It is a sign that you will soon be showered in roses.”
16. The universe is one being. Everything and everyone is interconnected through an invisible web of stories. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are all in a silent conversation. Do no harm. Practice compassion. And do not gossip behind anyone’s back—not even a seemingly innocent remark! The words that come out of our mouths do not vanish but are perpetually stored in infinite space, and they will come back to us in due time. One man’s pain will hurt us all. One man’s joy will make
everyone smile,” he murmured. “This is what one of the forty rules reminds us.
17. Real filth is the one inside. The rest simply washes off. There is only one type of dirt that cannot be cleansed with pure waters, and that is the stain of hatred and bigotry contaminating the soul. You can purify your body through abstinence and fasting, but only love will purify your heart.
18. We were all created in His image, and yet we were each created different and unique. No two people are alike. No two hearts beat to the same rhythm. If God had wanted everyone to be the same, He would have made it so. Therefore, disrespecting differences and imposing your thoughts on others is tantamount to disrespecting God’s holy scheme.
19. This world is like a snowy mountain that echoes your voice. Whatever you speak, good or evil, will somehow come back to you. Therefore, if there is someone who harbors ill thoughts about you, saying similarly bad things about him will only make matters worse. You will be locked in a vicious circle of malevolent energy. Instead for forty days and nights say and think nice things about that person.
20. If you want to strengthen your faith, you will need to soften inside. For your faith to be rock solid, your heart needs to be as soft as a feather. Through an illness, accident, loss, or fright, one way or another, we all are faced with incidents that teach us how to become less selfish and judgmental, and more compassionate and generous. The only way to get closer to Truth is to expand your heart so that it will encompass all humanity and still have room for more Love.”
21. When a true lover of God goes into a tavern, the tavern becomes his chamber of prayer, but when a wine bibber goes into the same chamber, it becomes his tavern. In everything we do, it is our hearts that make the difference, not our outer appearances. Sufis do not judge other people on how they look or who they are. When a Sufi stares at someone, he keeps both eyes closed and instead opens a third eye—the eye that sees the inner realm.
22. Life is a temporary loan, and this world is nothing but a sketchy imitation of Reality. Only children would mistake a toy for the real thing. And yet human beings either become infatuated with the toy or disrespectfully break it and throw it aside. In this life stay away from all kinds of extremities, for they will destroy your inner balance.
23. The human being has a unique place among God’s creation. “I breathed into him of My Spirit,” God says. Each and every one of us without exception is designed to be God’s delegate on earth. Ask yourself, just how often do you behave like a delegate, if you ever do so? Remember, it falls upon each of us to discover the divine spirit inside and live by it.
24. Submission does not mean being weak or passive. It leads to neither fatalism nor capitulation. Just the opposite. True power resides in submission—a power that comes from within. Those who submit to the divine essence of life will live in unperturbed tranquillity and peace even when the whole wide world goes through turbulence after turbulence
25. Hell is in the here and now. So is heaven. Quit worrying about hell or dreaming about heaven, as they are both present inside this very moment. Every time we fall in love, we ascend to heaven. Every time we hate, envy, or fight someone, we tumble straight into the fires of hell. This is what Rule Number Twenty-five is about.
26. This world is like a snowy mountain that echoes your voice. Whatever you speak, good or evil, will somehow come back to you. Therefore, if there is someone who harbors ill thoughts about you, saying similarly bad things about him will only make matters worse. You will be locked in a vicious circle of malevolent energy.
27. The true Sufi is such that even when he is unjustly accused, attacked, and condemned from all sides, he patiently endures, uttering not a single bad word about any of his critics. A Sufi never apportions blame. How can there be opponents or rivals or even “others” when there is no “self” in the first place?
28. Intellect and love are made of different materials,” he said. “Intellect ties people in knots and risks nothing, but love dissolves all tangles and risks everything. Intellect is always cautious and advises, ‘Beware too much ecstasy,’ whereas love says, ‘Oh, never mind! Take the plunge!’ Intellect does not easily break down, whereas love can effortlessly reduce itself to rubble. But treasures are hidden among ruins. A broken heart hides treasures.
29. The quest for Love changes us. There is no seeker among those who search for Love who has not matured on the way. The moment you start looking for Love, you start to change within and without.
30. This world is like a snowy mountain that echoes your voice. Whatever you speak, good or evil, will somehow come back to you. Therefore, if there is someone who harbors ill thoughts about you, saying similarly bad things about him will only make matters worse. You will be locked in a vicious circle of malevolent energy. Instead for forty days and nights say and think nice things about that person. Everything will be different at the end of forty days, because you will be different inside.
31. Nothing should stand between yourself and God. Not imams, priests, rabbis, or any other custodians of moral or religious leadership. Not spiritual masters, not even your faith. Believe in your values and your rules, but never lord them over others. If you keep breaking other people’s hearts, whatever religious duty you perform is no good. “Stay away from all sorts of idolatry, for they will blur your vision. Let God and only God be your guide. Learn the Truth, my friend, but be careful not to make a fetish out of your truths.”
32. Spiritual growth is about the totality of our consciousness, not about obsessing over particular aspects. Nothing should stand between yourself and God. Not imams, priests, rabbis, or any other custodians of moral or religious leadership. Not spiritual masters, not even your faith. Believe in your values and your rules, but never lord them over others. If you keep breaking other people’s hearts, whatever religious duty you perform is no good.
33. While everyone in this world strives to get somewhere and become someone, only to leave it all behind after death, you aim for the supreme stage of nothingness. Live this life as light and empty as the number zero. We are no different from a pot. It is not the decorations outside but the emptiness inside that holds us straight. Just like that, it is not what we aspire to achieve but the consciousness of nothingness that keeps us going.
34. Whatever fate awaited welcome it. The midwife knows that when there is no pain, the way for the baby cannot be opened and the mother cannot give birth. Likewise, for a new Self to be born, hardship is necessary. Just as clay needs to go through intense heat to become strong, Love can only be perfected in pain.
35. In this world, it is not similarities or regularities that take us a step forward, but blunt opposites. And all the opposites in the universe are present within each and every one of us. Therefore, the believer needs to meet the unbeliever residing within. And the nonbeliever should get to know the silent faithful in him. Until the day one reaches the stage of Insan-i Kâmil, the perfect human being, faith is a gradual process and one that necessitates its seeming opposite: disbelief.
36. This world is erected upon the principle of reciprocity. Neither a drop of kindness nor a speck of evil will remain unreciprocated. Fear not the plots, deceptions, or tricks of other people. If somebody is setting a trap, remember, so is God. He is the biggest plotter. Not even a leaf stirs outside God’s knowledge. Simply and fully believe in that. Whatever God does, He does beautifully.”
37. God is a meticulous clockmaker. So precise is His order that everything on earth happens in its own time. Neither a minute late nor a minute early. And for everyone without exception, the clock works accurately. For each there is a time to love and a time to die.”
38. It is never too late to ask yourself, ‘Am I ready to change the life I am living? Am I ready to change within?’ “Even if a single day in your life is the same as the day before, it surely is a pity. At every
moment and with each new breath, one should be renewed and renewed again. There is only one
way to be born into a new life: to die before death.”
39. While the parts change, the whole always remains the same. For every thief who departs this world, a new one is born. And every decent person who passes away is replaced by a new one. In this way not only does nothing remain the same but also nothing ever really changes.
40. A life without love is of no account. Don’t ask yourself what kind of love you should seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, Eastern or Western.… Divisions only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and simple. “Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire! “The universe turns differently when fire loves water.”
Conclusion
The Forty Rules of Love is a testament to the multifaceted nature of love—whether divine, romantic, communal, or self-directed. Each of these forms of love has its own lessons, challenges, and beauty. For me, the novel serves as a reminder that love, in its truest sense, is transformative.
It pushes us out of our comfort zones, asks us to confront our egos, and urges us to connect more deeply with others and with the divine.
The Forty Rules of Love presents love as a powerful, multifaceted force that shapes and transforms individuals on multiple levels.
It is a journey of both self-discovery and divine connection, requiring the seeker to embrace change, face suffering, and ultimately transcend the boundaries of the self to experience the profound unity of all existence.
